I've been in this 'whatever' mood the past few days. Dun get me wrong...im actually looking forward to school coz it'll keep me busy, being with friends and getting my mind off stuffs. I dun think i've had enuff rest dis holiday ahakz and diden get 2 complete a list of things i set myself to do during the hols like reading, making a new debit card, finding out y on earth i pay $32.50/mth for NTUC income =p, sorting out funny papers in my room and hanging out with my good frens...so yeah it was more of silat training, preparing for competition and planning for upcoming events...haiyah but..im welcoming the new semester! Bring it On! haha

I guess things have not gone my way...and im juz feeling resigned and whatever. Like how i lost in KL. Like how down ive been the past few days. Like how the triangular is turning out. By right, im supposed to be incharge but pple are bypassing me and making decisions dat are complicating what should have been a simple event. I noe pple are helping me and im glad for dat...but some things should at least go through me 1st coz im the one with the overall vision of the event. But we'll juz see la...perhaps it will be for the best la coz my plan could have had loopholes and my comm members are helpin 2 make it a success. Like how my laptop just crashed on me juz before sch starts...sheesh all my pictures, music files gone. Thankfully i managed to save my past NUS assignments, CCA stuffs so it aint too bad ah. My fault too la heh..tk gi backup siang2 :p

Like how last minute (and i really mean last minute) today's silat performance at the Martial Arts Fest @ Tampines West CC. When i went for training yesterday, my coach asked me to lead the budak2 for a performance today! We had like wad...1 hour of training to prepare for a performance. I was pissed coz it was so last minute and he diden realli care if pple were not able to make it or that quality of the performance mattered. To me, i'd rather do something to share and impress, not juz for the sake of just performing. He diden care about my opinion and i diden realli care how i talked to him yesterday, all heated up and rebellious. Now u noe, im capable of dat...especially if i noe im right. And of coz it cocked up...mostly by me hahaha i forgot steps :p i was supposed to be leading 10 others, but kept looking back coz i forgot wad's the next step! And i felt malu la coz all the other perguruans put up impressive displays, while ours was juz short and simple. Credit to cute Naiem for his solo performance (seme org ckp...cute seh budak kecik tu!) I guess the onli satisfaction i got out of the whole thing today was dat the kids were happy to be able 2 perform...and coz of my presence, they got that opportunity. But truthfully, i would have liked 2 be better prepared and gif a performance dat pple will remember.

Lin showed me a beautiful and heartfelt poem by Mother Theresa entitled Anyway. (pls refer to her blog for the whole version) haha see awak..im publicizing ur blog! :p anyway...the gist of it is about you being nice, selfless, honest, courteous, being happy eventhough u may find pple taking advantage of u, pple believing that ure not altruistic but having hidden intentions, destroying ur happiness and what u have built and such. Dat you do what u feel is right, to do your best coz it is God that will determine what you have done, not ur fren, not even your 'enemy'. There is a saying...'Biar org guris hati kite, jangan kite guriskan hati org'. BUT (like all arts students..muz be critical haha) there has to be a balance of being nice and doing what is right all the time. Coz if u stand to lose all the time, its not worth doing. Like for silat..if what im doing doesnt benefit me that pple take for granted my niceness, i should rethink my priorities. Your moves have to be calculated. Perhaps pple might see this as being manipulative, but i see this as being calculative, protecting yourself. But of coz...u all noe im nice...and i will continue being nice to everyone, anyway :D its juz me hehehe